Online dating made me want to stay single

The best way that I can describe my journey into what I now consider the black pit hole of modern dating is to say that a few lonely nights got the better of me.

Compared to most people I would consider myself to be quite reserved when it comes to sharing information on the web and often I will provide false information when I have no other option. Needless to say, creating a “dating profile” did not come that easy for me but I managed to complete it, uploaded some pictures and waited to see what would happen.

OMG. It was not even ten minutes before I got my first like.

I must admit I was somewhat surprised and flattered by the number of likes and requests that I received in such a short amount of time. If online dating is good for anything, it is the confidence boost it offers when someone validates your photos. Curious to see who liked me, I browsed my potential connections and “liked” a few profiles that interested me. Ding an instant message popped up, and just like that, a new world opened up for me. I was on my way to finding what I was looking for.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for. I was hoping to have a conversation and see what developed from there.

It didn’t take long before I started to feel like a fish out of water. Let’s meet Joe. Joe was my first connection, also known as the first person I responded to. In his profile, he stated he was Irish, liked camping, cooking, dancing and was seeking to find the love of his life. In the first few exchanges we had, I thought he seemed like a decent person. After the fifth text, he said, “I want to see you naked sends some pictures.” I replied, “You haven’t even asked me my name.” Block. Delete. Moving on. I was still optimistic at this point.

Meet Tyron. Tyron is a doctor from Canada living in Uganda and works for doctors without borders. Tyron’s first text, “I surgeon from the borders and will return home soon.” Sure, you are, NEXT! Tyron, if you are going to scam someone at least have the decency to make it seem somewhat realistic. And then I met the man of my dreams, Bradley Cooper. Yes, the Bradley Cooper. He was trying to find his true love and didn’t like Hollywood types. Did you know that Bradley Cooper is right here in Montreal filming for his next movie in the middle of Covid? Lastly, who can forget my personal favourite; a friend of a friend who I thought may have potential asks me why I am not responding to his texts. He has sent over twenty in the past few minutes and is getting angrier by the minute. Dude, you are not the center of my universe. Control freak, please go away!

I didn’t find a connection. What I did find was myself becoming increasingly annoyed by the fact that I couldn’t find one person who didn’t want to have sex within the first few minutes of our conversation. Doesn’t anyone talk anymore? Doesn’t anyone just want to go out to dinner or take a cruise and get to know someone? What happened to real connections, is this a thing of the past? If so, I think I will take a hard pass. I may not know exactly what I am looking for but it is not this. I would rather stay single than spend my life with someone who thinks that a conversation involves three texts and two words: send pics.